ecinaj_1

Blog it!

2009-01-15T16:41:46Z

Entry #1 Will consist of some old blogs of mine that I think are shareable. Hope you enjoy.

JC

Today was full of deep thoughts. Sometimes they hit me softly one at a time, and other times I get bombarded with loads of them. If you are reading this and really do not know me, I am a thinker, part time philosopher. My mind is a vortex of thoughts and incredible insights. And today my thoughts were geared towards the word kindness.

I say that it is a traveling companion because its true. Think about it. Kindness can take you further on any journey your soul beckons you to, than any thing else. Further than determination, further than persistence, and even further than dauntlessness. The best benefit to kindness is it will always be shared. There is just something about having a benevolent heart. Or just the fact that one would have the quality of being warmhearted and considerate and humane. Kindness is a gift that will take you far, and take many others with you as you continue on your journey in life.

While I was waitressing at Red Robins one particular evening. There was this lady that was sat in my section. She was quiet and very meek. One thing that I did for all of my guests was give outstanding service,..and I was known for that as well. As I went about my business and did what I was suppose to, I was drawn to this woman. There was just something about her that made me want to do something. I dunno what. But I think that the fact that she looked so lonely, and sad. (she was by herself too) I had to do something to cheer her, but what? Serving and drastically thinking of something that I could do,..I couldn't think of a darn thing. I mean there is only soooo much that you can do in a restaurant. So I kept doing what I always did,..serve. I made sure that I paid close attention to this woman though. I watched her drink,..and made sure that everything was perfect for her dinner. Time flew, and stil there was nothing that I could do. I thought that I didn't do a darn thing to help, and that made me a bit unnerving. As the woman was leaving after she paid her bill, she stopped me as I was going about. And I think that she said the most impressive, meaningful, and significant statement ever. She said this,..."I just wanted to thank you for tonight. I came in with such a bad attitude and had a dark cloud over my head. And your smile and service made that all go away. Thank you!" Wow,..I was soooooo floored by this. She even left a very generous tip. Even if she didn't, her words were more generous, and would be content with just them. So again, I say that kindness takes you a looong way.

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Trials are like the wind. You can never see the wind, but you can see the effects of the wind. Sometimes you will never know where your trials come from, but you will know they are there. You can feel the effects of the trials. Anxiety, stress, and oppression are all effects from trials. Sometimes we as humans will feel the positive effects from the trials. But we if so choose to. Embracing adversity can actually help one grow, even though the pain of it can sear the soul with temporary pain. It is a pain that says that you can grow and learn, and walk away as a wiser and more knowledgeable individual. It allows you to see who and what you are made of. Though all of the examples given are mostly passive, they are still help mates in your walk of life. I have come to the conclusion that I will always have trials. In this realization, I am humbleded. I am awakened to the fact that though I may look strong and have the traits of herionism, I am one hundred percent human and pains caused from trials leave me exhausted, hurt, and even to the point of no return. But like wind, it will come and go.

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"If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give."
George MacDonald

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."
Henri Nouwen

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."
George Washington

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I like all three very much. #3 esp. Reminds me to be cautios,..yet jeers me at the thought of putting the usage of my machicolation defenses down ever so slightly. THis is a good thing me thinks,...we shall see!

FYI,...a machicolation defense was used to aide in keeping unwanted visitors out of a castle. (mostly used for pouring boiling oil or fire onto the enemy.) I think that is close enough, not precise,..but you get the picture!

Tribute to Jessica, my Sister and fellow Firefighter

2008-01-16T19:35:59Z

Hymm to the Fallen Heros

Young and aged
volunteer and career,
man and woman
of all races and colors,
you left aching hearts behind

An eternal flame
warms your names
inscribed on cold, lifeless plaques
around this stone cairn
In the hearts you left behind
your memories abide
in undying gratitude

You asked nothing more
You knew the risks,
served without fear
and paid the highest price

You embody a quality
of which many only dream
Your selfesness for others
is now your eternal crown

O fallen comrades,
give us all this quality
that we may more fittingly
prolong your memory

Gone to a better place 01/08/08. Love you Jess. My sister died of natural causes at the young age of 28. She leaves 2 yound daughters and a husband. She lived a great life. Please keep her family in your prayers.

"I Wish You Could Know"
I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for
trapped children at 3AM, flames rolling above your head, your palms and
knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the
kitchen below you burns.

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 6 in the morning as I check
her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway,
hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting
his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try to save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of
soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear,
the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely
nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too familiar with.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is this A
false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What hazards
await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to call, "What is wrong with the patient?
Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead the
beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past
25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the words, "I love you Mommy" again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine, squad,
or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the
pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to
yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us
however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years
from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my daughter, sister, my
girlfriend or a friend? What were her parents reaction going to be when they
opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"

I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my
parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not
come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firefighters and
EMT's out and when we call for them and our heart drops because no one answers
back or to here a bone chilling 911 call of a child or wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes physically,
abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their attitudes of, "It will never happen to me.

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or missed
meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the
tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping save
a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time
of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging
at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?" Not even being able to look in his
eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to
hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having CPR done on him as
they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all along he did not have his
seat belt on. A sensation that I have become too familiar with.

Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand
or appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job really means to us......

I wish you could though.

* author unknown *

Inspired

2007-12-27T05:04:05Z

I was inspired this evening, and this is the product of the inspiration.

I think I will call this picture "Peaceful"

One more to add to the growing collection. This is called "Worn"

Christmas 2007

2007-12-27T01:23:58Z

Today is the day after Christmas and for the most part the holiday was not as bad as I had thought it was going to be. Peace actually surrounded me as I watched children scurry around the busy house somewhere in the garden state. I think the best part, well there are three best parts, 1. all of the open arms, esp. the ones that followed with "YAY,..Aunt Janice!!!!" 2. All of the love that came from everyone. 3. My cell phone did not ring once from da X. (That is a Miracle in itself!)

The girls had such a wonderful time, that was my gift for Christmas. To see them on a level on which our circumstances were far from their minds. They were able to experience Christmas they way they should have. This holiday will be remembered not for the gifts they received, but for what they experienced. Peace, joy, love, and more love. No matter what they did, there was always a smile that danced on their beautiful faces. I think, no, I know I am truly blessed beyond measure.

I have made many friends, some closer than others, that have enriched my life. My prayer is that I am able to give back what has been given to me unconditionally. So to anyone that reads this entry, thank you for being a part of my life. It has been more than an honor to know that such wonderful people do exist in a world of turmoil. Thank you for putting up with my quirks, and sometimes childish behavior. Thank you for standing by my side while I had to stand for what I believed in. Thank you for your encouragement, and your advice. There are so many other things to thank, those were just a few to begin with. Most of all Thank you for you. Plain and simple.

Famous Quotes:

2007-12-18T15:04:00Z

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give.
George MacDonald

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
George Washington

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I like all three very much. #3 esp. Reminds me to be cautios,..yet jeers me at the thought of putting the usage of my machicolation defenses down ever so slightly. THis is a good thing me thinks,...we shall see!

FYI,...a machicolation defense was used to aide in keeping unwanted visitors out of a castle. (mostly used for pouring boiling oil or fire onto the enemy.) I think that is close enough, not precise,..but you get the picture!

I swear I am not choleric!!!

2007-12-17T16:28:27Z

I so amazes me as to how humans push and press even the most phlegmatic persons to insanity.

Tending to think that I lean towards the even keel and phlegmatic type, this certain person persues his life ambition to do nothing but indefatigably badger, harass,..almost to the point of beleaguering me....   Now the question is how shall be dealt with,..legally,..lawfully.

Can't I just move on,...without,....vexation? Or is it just to much to ask to have freedom... No,..that would mean that there is nothing else in his life to have control over. WTF!!!

I don't like to be a bitch,..i don't like to be filled with exasperation or peevishness. I would rather be filled with tranquility, peace, harmony,..and intoxicated with love.   Instead I find myself dwelling on how to battle this beast without draging my precious loves into it.

FUck! :/

Last day of the semester!!!

2007-12-14T14:40:36Z

Alright, after 4 months (16 weeks) of studying designing techniques, I am offically ready to conquer the corporate world of fire protection designing!

Riiiiiiiiiiiight!!!   There is sooo much to learn in this industry, I would be foolish to think in my mind that I was completely ready. Besides, I know that I would be tested, and would be shown up. I would rather be humble than to be thought a fool and humbled.

This semester has been pretty simple seeing that I was only taking one class. Because of current events in my life, I had to X four other classes (total of 14 credits) for a full time job. And I would be less than 2 semesters away from my degree,...*slight sigh* Now,..I am forced to think of different paths to achieve that. I have worked my ass off towards my goal of my A.S   And I am not going to give up now,..that is not an option.

So what ever it takes to get it, so shall it be done.

Thinking back to the last 1 1/2 of my school career, brings a warm smile to my face and pride swells in my heart. I am very happy that I was allowed and given the chance to shine in my own way. Making the Deans list, member of several communities: National Scholar Honor Society, President of the Student club,..I was even given the chance to go for the seat of President of the College Student Government. I Recieved many scholarships, Bank of America, SFPE.   My G.P.A. is a 3.8 and love it. I have met so many wonderful people that have only enriched my life.

Deciding to go to college was absolutely THE best decision that I have ever made in my life. My only regret is that it was shortly lived, hence the divorce,..full time job.

But I will say that, I know it is just the begining of another exciting chapter in my life.

Okies I am finished.

Make the Beat go Boom!

2007-12-14T01:24:56Z

Yeah yeah yeah,..I am a you tube junkie. What fuuuun!! OMFG this song is a bite my lower lip while we *insert verb* on the dance floor.

*whistles innocently* la la la la oooooooh!

Trying something out.

2007-12-14T01:11:10Z

Here goes,..if this works,..then I will be happy as a Lark,...me thinks.

To blind to see.

2007-12-13T22:46:32Z

~~Never Ever~~

I'm walking for miles and miles, not getting anywhere.
Bare feet in the pouring rain, not getting any younger.
Intuitions got me runnin,.. but don't know where.
It's this feeling you get inside, and can never ever erase, never ever erase.

Never ever erase, never ever erase.
Comes to me everyday.

I feel like I'm more alone when I've all my friends around,
Stuck in my own nightmare never to sleep.
I'm fallin through time like a dying star you never knew.
Its the strangest feeling you can never ever erase, never ever erase.

Never ever erase, never ever erase.
Comes to me everyday.

Never Ever
Courtesy of Tom Tom LeChevalier,

If you were to actually listen to this song,..it creates a very mellow atmosphere. The beats are very quiescent. Besides the lyrics sounding quite melancholy, its actually a great mix!

J

♥ Noob-here ♣

2007-12-13T20:12:43Z

Ma furst poesting.

             Bee nice two mee!

                         Cuz I mieght byte!